When most of the 'old' team members had gone for internship, UTP CO (Chinese Orchestra) has been replaced by some very 'dedicated' people, and CO has been in its 'peak time' ever since.
I've been refraining myself for writing this post for over a month already, due to the reason that it might break a lot of good relationships and I don't want to get into conflicts.
But now, since I'm no more a member of the CO team, I see no reason why I should hold back anymore.
I have been demoted off my post as section head, was kicked out recently, and I received a lot of various reasons regarding those matters.
Talking about creativity, these people are really good, even better than those extremists (RM) in my campus.
Below are the statements given by the four '-less' people (useless, brainless, hopeless, clueless) who acted as high-com during my time in CO:
>> Reason 1: 'I demoted you because you didn't attend the holiday practice...'
For those who didn't know the case, it was a long story...
Basically I didn't attend a so-called 'compulsory practice' during last semester break, because I had bought my flight ticket earlier and these 'brilliant' people announce the news last-minute.
I had told someone in the high-com about me not coming back for practice, but this bastard lied and told the others I never did tell him.
Anyway, it is a really lame excuse that I can never accept as a reason of my demotion as a section head.
Come on, which professional organization will demote people simply because they don't come for one practice, and one with valid reason somemore.
I don't really want to argue over this matter, because when you come to think of it, maybe these people never study Geography before, and they thought Sarawak is just beside UTP, suka-suka can come back...
>> Reason 2: 'I thought u said u want to quit?'
This is one reason I find very hard to understand, even harder to accept.
Man... They can't even communicate with me and ask me about it? What's the meaning by demoting me because they thought I said I wanna quit? And when did I say it?
Haih... Maybe they don't speak human language, or maybe it's me who don't understand human.
Either way, this statement is just too..brainless.. and I don't know what else to say about it...
>> Reason 3: 'It is not good to have you go on as a head...'
A conflict broke up between me and the high-com last semester, because of me complaining the high-com of their lousiness in handling the CO team.
That continues until this semester, where the high-com decided to demote me and kick me out because of my 'bad attitude'.
I can't really say anything about it you know, it's like the ISA case, anyone who oppose the government is the bad guy, so I guess I'm the 'bad guy' in this case.
Even though I knew this is all bullshit, but I can't really argue about it, since people say my attitude is 'very very' bad.
I don't see myself as a nuisance, well... maybe I complain a little more than the others, sometimes even behaved like a mad dog, but I'm not really worried that this kind of attitude will drag me to Hell, because it won't.
It's just me, and I don't see anything wrong about that...
>> Reason 4: 'You can only join either C&J or OCM...'
CnJ (Classical and Jazz) is another musical organization in UTP, which mainly focus on symphony and western instruments, while OCM (Orchestra Chinese Musical) is what we called CO.
Well, the story is like this:
After the performance for Symphony Festival in August, I had decided to take a break and not joining any performances for the convocation a few weeks later.
Then someone from CnJ called me up a week before the convocation week, saying that they urgently need an alto-saxophone player for the convocation ceremony.
That fellow was my friend, so I decided to help out, and to my surprise, they only have one alto-sax player (excluding me) for the convocation, and it was really an urgent need after all.
I then practiced and played for CnJ, for the convocation ceremony, but I have no intention to stay there for long, since I'm still a CO member.
Who knows, those CO high-com, who are usually damn slow in making decision, knowing that I'm playing for CnJ, immediately made a decision to kick me out, even before I actually played for the convocation.
I must say that I'm really impressed by their efficiency in making this decision, even without me knowing that I've already been kicked out until several weeks later.
Man... kicking me out because I played for another party, I didn't know RM also got Chinese division...
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Above are the four reasons given by four different people in the high-com, and they were never same with each other, which makes it all seems political-dirty.
I've been putting it up with CO even after I get demoted from my post as section head, simply because I thought I still have responsibility towards my juniors, and responsibility towards what I joined CO for, my passion.
No organization has ever kicked me out before, CO is the first one to make it happen, and I believe I'm also the first person to be kicked out by UTP CO team.
I initially planned to use a lot of profanities and foul words in this post, but then I thought: "what for?? Those idiots won't understand anyway..."
Nothing much to say, just want to apologize to all my juniors who are still in the CO team, sorry I left you all in the rubbish dump, please take good care of yourselves...
The greatest failure in music history, people who play music for the sake of performing to increase their own popularity, rather than learning music for the beauty of music itself, and for the burning passion for music.
I feel kinda sorry for the composers of the songs we've ever played, for their efforts and hard work had come to waste.
Reading back my first post on UTP CO a year ago, I couldn't understand why I wrote: 'I felt like somehow if the whole world turns against me, I still have this bunch of friends by my side, to accompany me and to guide me'.
Maybe it would have happened if it was a year ago, but it all seems so impossible now.
I don't believe in people saying: "I'm sorry things turned out this way, but I hope it won't affect our friendship".
To me, that's bullshit.. Once you start to mess with my life, you're messing with our friendship.
Leaving CO makes me realized something, that I could also live well without it.
Thus, I want to give my best wishes to UTP CO team, hopefully they can excel in what they did, and finally be as popular as RM in UTP. Cheers ~
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7 comments:
waa...x sangke...RM baru...haha..u ever write happy things in ur blog ke?sume sadis2 je..so depressing ke ur life weyh?haha...jk2...jgn mara k?=p
for me....sumtimes i jt ignore them loooo.lazy to listen their lousy excuses..its not i duwan to contribute bt rili dun feel like a 'home' in co...un a bit ur prob oso geh..cheer2.if quit jor happy then cont ba..y u let others make u angry ler??its u who hav to control ur own emo.
=)
yw
To tell the truth, I was once having lots of problems/conflicts with any organizations/clubs/societies I joined in UTP. Try to ask around some of the seniors (well, few of the key persons have already left UTP), then you will know. I find my past problems are similar like yours, and I believe you are facing what I was facing that time (maybe I am wrong, but I would rather assume it this way).
But from my understanding so far (well I could be wrong and you may not want to listen to me), I think you do not know where the problem is. I am surprised for someone not realizing a problem that has been there for this long. In my case, I realized it little by little and overcome it (well, personally I believe that I have overcome it) after I spent like 2 years in UTP.
I may not be in the right position to give you a lecture on this issue (if you think I am giving one), but I think your case is more problematic than mine last time, because you have not realized it (it seems like so to me). I feel that your characteristics may blind yourself from seeing the problem, and if even worse, you may not be able to see it in your whole life without external intervention.
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As far as I know, before this you wondered why you have no true friend in UTP (or something along the lines) in your previous post (which I can't remember exactly the contents already). I think you might have wondered if the problem is with you. I am not exactly in your shoe therefore I can't tell for sure. But in my case, I am sure the problem was with me, and I took measures to overcome the problems within me.
Putting those aside, the reasons they give are lame. True. If those are the reasons they give you, I admit they are lame. But I would consider the reasons are due to misunderstandings and miscommunication. In order for you to be righteous to say that they kicked you off without a good reason, you have to be sure that you have done everything right and rightful.
Reason 1: 'I demoted you because you didn't attend the holiday practice...'
They are not considerate at all for someone from Sarawak, which is exactly not just next to UTP. Your flight ticket was booked much earlier, and you have valid reason not to attend the practice.
But could you not foresee that the convo was going to be held in this semester and practice would start early before the semester starts? You could have asked them and confirmed the date with them before you book the ticket. Why didn't you do so to shut them up for once and for all? I know it's their responsibility for them to inform you early, but if you don't want unhappy things happen, then make sure you do it well. They were wrong for not informing you about the date of practice earlier, but you were wrong for not raising the issue when you booked the ticket. They are not in place to blame you and you are not in place to blame them either.
Reason 2: 'I thought u said u want to quit?'
Yeah, I couldn't agree more that this is not even an excuse at all. They didn't communicate well with you. You didn't want to quit at all but because they didn't talk to you, they thought you want to quit. But come to think of it, what have you done to make them think so? Why do you do those things to make them think so? What didn't you explained why you have done those things to clarify that you have no intention to quit? By saying they didn't communicate with you properly, you are right. But have you communicated properly with them on the other hand? If you did, they shouldn't have thought so. If you think you did communicate with them properly already but they still failed to understand, then it's either all of them are too stupid to understand, or your communication skills are not good enough. In either case, to make sure they don't use this as a reason to fire you, communicate with them well and make sure they understand. It may be harder to say than to do, but if you are not having the 'sure' feeling that you have done this well, you shouldn't blame them on that as well, much like they shouldn't blame you on that.
Reason 3: 'It is not good to have you go on as a head...'
I beg the different from your case and ISA case, totally. And I am not happy with your statement saying as if you were in the same shoes with them. I feel unjust for them for being detained under ISA, but I don't feel that much on you case, sorry to say. If you haven't realize it, people who knows what the detainees have commented about says that they are innocent. But in your case, do you see anyone who knows it all along or hears your complaints, acknowledges (认同) what you have done? Do you see anyone stand out and fight for your injustice demotion and all? Why didn't they do so? Looking at that, you should have seen it for certain reason you could be wrong, and for that reason you are not acknowledged for your deeds. Other than that, you are not right by saying bad attitude won't bring you the worst. There's no way others will tolerate with your attitude in a working environment. You will either be fired or demoted much like what happened here. Well, I believe it brings you to hell, indirectly.
Reason 4: 'You can only join either C&J or OCM...'
Well that's the 'rules and regulations' part of it. Try not to break them. If you think your standing is firm and you are not crossing the border, have you told them clearly that you are only helping your friend and not going to stay for long? If not, you yourself is causing the misunderstanding and you can't blame them for that.
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Anyhow, I choose to explain each reason you pointed out from my personal point of view. But I strongly believe that you are not looking at the big picture on why they made such decision. Instead, you focus on the language and sentence matters. I do not think that's the correct way to look at this problem. I doubt that such a decision from several people will only be based on a single reason from each person.
Instead of blaming others (which is what you are doing basically), why not look at what you could have done better? Many times problems arise because both parties are not doing good enough. Instead of telling people what they should do and how they can do better most of the time, many times things can get much better by you improving yourself. Yeah, they are wrong, but you are not right too. So, make yourself right, so right that others cannot deny, and things get better.
Anyway, people tend to remember things you have done wrongly than things you have done correctly. So it would be hard to amend things that you have done wrongly and reconstruct a good impression again. Just make sure next time in a new environment you do it better.
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Speaking of passion to CO, if you still have that passion, just stop your complaints in front of everyone else, even in this blog. Nothing good will come and the only thing that is proved to me is your passion is not genuine. A real passion is like the one from Lady Boss, Shu Hui, who has endured the hardship, keep all the bitterness within herself, disregarding her own interests and feelings for the well being of CO. She's my most respected person in CO, because I know she kept many hardships for herself, without telling anyone. But things can be observed. Your passion is at a much lower level than hers for you not to think about the bigger picture when you state your claims and complaints. Talking about how you feel bad to leave the juniors and all are just craps to me. I strongly disagree your 'passion' considering you are posting about your disagreements and only how right you are and how wrong others are in the public.
The level of 'passion' is not something you claim by yourself, but it is something that others acknowledge you for. A self-claim passion is an inaccurate one, much like an award you presented to yourself.
Reading your post until this point, I started to believe the decision to demote you is correct. You have no idea how to run an organization well. Stirring up issues with complaints and then when got fired talking about how sorry you are leaving the juniors, they are just nothing but hypocrisy to me.
There are always people who join a club for personal achievements but not to enjoy being in the club or doing the club activities. If you are passionate enough, you will try to change their mindset slowly, make the club a better place, make them feel the joy being in the club, but definitely not raising issues here and there and at the end causing chaos in the club. And before you knew it, you made some of the people who have certain level of passion in the club leave or try to leave the club. No one likes a chaotic club. Regretfully, I find your words very contradicting with your deeds.
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I spent so much of my time writing such lengthy comments to you during projects, FYP, presentations, reports peak time. I hope you can at least realize something and not to take the same wrong steps again. Please consider the efforts I made in doing so, in involving myself into something I can simply disregard to avoid troubles and hatred to myself.
I might sound rude between the lines, but I have no intention to be rude. If you can't take my words, so be it. I have done my part. You can always hate me if you can't take it but nothing will get better that way. Suit yourself. If I can't change the way you think, I can only be regretful and sorry for you because most probably you will face the same problem for the rest of your life.
Well, Guo Lin, what can I say?
That's one long comment, and frankly speaking, it didn't sound so pleasing, but I can't bring myself to delete it, since u've spend such a long time just to write that...
U know what? Maybe u're right, maybe I'm being hypocrisy, but then, u have no right to say 'the decision to demote me is correct', no right at all...
Looking back the explanation u gave me for the 4 reasons:
1. Sorry, I couldn't foresee the future therefore I can't tell whether there's practice or not. And even if I was wrong that I didn't arise the matter to them, it was still unacceptable to demote me based on that reason.
2. Well, this is kinda long story..
I had a fight with one of the high-com before, and throughout our conversation, angry words like 'I wanna quit' popped up. Can't defend much about it, it was my fault. But my point is, it isn't a reason at all..
3. I didn't really keep track about the ISA case, just know that it's kinda political. Anyway, maybe I'm wrong, maybe there's really no one who supports me at all. Either way, none of these matters anymore..
4. What do u mean by 'rules and regulations' in joining either C&J or CO? I mean, where does those rules came from?
I know definitely UTP don't forbid us to join both, and certainly not C&J when I entered. Then whose problem is it then? I think it's very obvious..
What's the big deal for joining C&J and CO at the same time? From what I know, these two are all under one big group named 'UTP Orchestra'. What's the problem with it then?
I love music, not only Chinese music, and u say I can't join C&J because I have to dedicate only to CO? I'd say that's bullshit...
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Sorry to say that I can't be as patient as Shu Hui to endure all these, and I'm sorry I can't be great enough to change other people's mindsets and make CO a better place.
My passion is for the music, not for CO or the people in it. I don't have any burden or what-so-ever to make CO a better place to stay, and I certainly don't have the tendency to close an eye and keep quiet when someone messed around with me.
I guess fighting on like this is not a solution. Things have passed, I accepted it and I go on with it. Whatever I say or do now won't change anything, so I guess that's it.
Anyway also, thanks for the comments.
Cheers~
Raymond,
不经一事，不长一智。此事的发生是多方面的因素，公说公有理，婆说婆有理，谁对谁错，恐怕到何时何日才会有个了断。发生了，我们不能当作若无其事，也许学会放下，退一步，你会看到眼前是一片海阔天空，你会快乐些！
我并没有国霖说的那么好，但是我很遗憾乐团带给你这么不愉快的回忆。虽然如此，我希望它也曾经为你带来欢笑、开心的点滴。请记得它带给你的“笑”，忘却它带给你的“痛”，好吗？
Dear Sting Ray,
Glad that u quit CO. good for u, good for them. If u are pissed off, remember to forget it before the second day. Join talent search to proof CO that they are wrong kicking u off.Cheers..
Things like this can't happen for no reasons. Take it as it is, but in search for yourself what's the real mistake that leads to it. We can't control others, but we can always change ourselfs.
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