My life in UTP

After so long didn't update my blogspot, I decided to post something about myself, here in this small little place called UTP.

Well, I can say that my life here is quite a sad story.
I've always said: "UTP is a good place for study, but not a very happy place to live in."
Since the beginning of the semester I've met with all kind of problems, and the major one: problem finding group for assignment or project.
I've undergo the same situation for 3 times continuously, that is, nobody is available for me to team up with.
It's very sad to think that we have more actually than 100 students in our class, and I know at least 60% of them, but yet there is no group that I can even squeeze in.
I've stopped complaining about it a long time ago, since it happened so often and I'm already numb of being depressed by not having a group of my own.

I always wonder, am I the only person here that's having this kind of problem?
I don't see other people face difficulties in finding group, or even friends.
The question "why people don't like me?" always pop-up in my mind from time to time, but I still can't find the answer after 3 semesters being here.
I guessed people don't like the way I act, or the way I speak, or maybe it's something else, I don't know.
But as far as I'm concerned, I've been very nice and generous to everyone here, especially my batch people, and I've spent more time and effort on them compared to other people.
I just hope that I can get some answers, at least know why I've been treated like this.

It is the start of the mid-semester break, and I'm stuck here alone while all the others got something planned out during the holidays.
I guessed it can't be help then, since I'm always so transparent between them, and I doubt they even remember that I exist.
People say I've been isolating myself, well, I guess I am now, but not before they isolated me first.

Now I very much do things on my own, especially during meals.
I can count within both hands the times I've eaten together with other people since the beginning of the semester.
My juniors often asked me why I always eat alone.
Well, I guess I enjoy being alone, or more accurately, I'm used to be alone.
I now understand a little bit why some people isolated themselves from the world.
When you give out so much and receive nothing, you would rather keep everything to yourself.

Throughout all these years I've been working hard to socialize with people, joining activities and so on, all because of one purpose: to prove my existence.
I've grew stronger over these years, maybe not much, but at least tougher.
Tears is much harder to drop now compared to 2 years back then.
I've learned to endure the pain of being alone, and surprisingly, I'm already used to it.
I don't know whether it's good or bad, but I guess that's me in present state.
Some people say I'm very emotional, and I never deny it.
I'm an emotional person, who tried hard to control my emotions over time, but always failed.
Well, I guess the environment has a big factor on it.


I just called back home this evening after so long the time, and was so glad to hear my Mum and Dad's voices.
I found myself trembled with joy while talking to them, then I realized I've missed home so much.
When a person is caught up with storm at a foreign land, the place he'll think most is home.
Well, I guess it applies on me too.
For a person in my situation, home will be the warmest place to be, because your family will never fails you or leaves you.
How I wished that I'm home now, rather than staying in this unhappy place.


I guessed this is all I can say now.
I'm tired of being mad at everyone else for not befriend with me.
If it's fate that I will spend the few years here alone, then let it be so.
However, I can't say that I don't have any friends here at all.
There are people here who cares for me, and I really appreciate that.

To all my friends, I thank you, and I still want to be friends with you.
So, please don't leave me alone, even though we are not in the same course, even though we won't meet everyday, but please, at least remember that I exist.
For those who don't find it in your heart to befriend with me, please, there's no need to pity me.
All I want is some caring and sincerity, not a shed of pity.

That's all from me, a guy who's in his 20th year on Earth.
May God bless me and my friends for the years to come, and by God's will, I can graduate from here.