My life in UTP

After so long didn't update my blogspot, I decided to post something about myself, here in this small little place called UTP.

Well, I can say that my life here is quite a sad story.
I've always said: "UTP is a good place for study, but not a very happy place to live in."
Since the beginning of the semester I've met with all kind of problems, and the major one: problem finding group for assignment or project.
I've undergo the same situation for 3 times continuously, that is, nobody is available for me to team up with.
It's very sad to think that we have more actually than 100 students in our class, and I know at least 60% of them, but yet there is no group that I can even squeeze in.
I've stopped complaining about it a long time ago, since it happened so often and I'm already numb of being depressed by not having a group of my own.

I always wonder, am I the only person here that's having this kind of problem?
I don't see other people face difficulties in finding group, or even friends.
The question "why people don't like me?" always pop-up in my mind from time to time, but I still can't find the answer after 3 semesters being here.
I guessed people don't like the way I act, or the way I speak, or maybe it's something else, I don't know.
But as far as I'm concerned, I've been very nice and generous to everyone here, especially my batch people, and I've spent more time and effort on them compared to other people.
I just hope that I can get some answers, at least know why I've been treated like this.

It is the start of the mid-semester break, and I'm stuck here alone while all the others got something planned out during the holidays.
I guessed it can't be help then, since I'm always so transparent between them, and I doubt they even remember that I exist.
People say I've been isolating myself, well, I guess I am now, but not before they isolated me first.

Now I very much do things on my own, especially during meals.
I can count within both hands the times I've eaten together with other people since the beginning of the semester.
My juniors often asked me why I always eat alone.
Well, I guess I enjoy being alone, or more accurately, I'm used to be alone.
I now understand a little bit why some people isolated themselves from the world.
When you give out so much and receive nothing, you would rather keep everything to yourself.

Throughout all these years I've been working hard to socialize with people, joining activities and so on, all because of one purpose: to prove my existence.
I've grew stronger over these years, maybe not much, but at least tougher.
Tears is much harder to drop now compared to 2 years back then.
I've learned to endure the pain of being alone, and surprisingly, I'm already used to it.
I don't know whether it's good or bad, but I guess that's me in present state.
Some people say I'm very emotional, and I never deny it.
I'm an emotional person, who tried hard to control my emotions over time, but always failed.
Well, I guess the environment has a big factor on it.


I just called back home this evening after so long the time, and was so glad to hear my Mum and Dad's voices.
I found myself trembled with joy while talking to them, then I realized I've missed home so much.
When a person is caught up with storm at a foreign land, the place he'll think most is home.
Well, I guess it applies on me too.
For a person in my situation, home will be the warmest place to be, because your family will never fails you or leaves you.
How I wished that I'm home now, rather than staying in this unhappy place.


I guessed this is all I can say now.
I'm tired of being mad at everyone else for not befriend with me.
If it's fate that I will spend the few years here alone, then let it be so.
However, I can't say that I don't have any friends here at all.
There are people here who cares for me, and I really appreciate that.

To all my friends, I thank you, and I still want to be friends with you.
So, please don't leave me alone, even though we are not in the same course, even though we won't meet everyday, but please, at least remember that I exist.
For those who don't find it in your heart to befriend with me, please, there's no need to pity me.
All I want is some caring and sincerity, not a shed of pity.

That's all from me, a guy who's in his 20th year on Earth.
May God bless me and my friends for the years to come, and by God's will, I can graduate from here.

PERMATA Camp 2008

This is the 2nd time we had a PERMATA camp, a motivation program named "Soaring The Eagle".
For me, this is not actually the time for learning, but more of an opportunity to relax.
Imagine a nice resort with fully air-conditioned houses, providing us 6 meals per day, having a nice swimming pool and nice beach, who will seriously want to go there and learn?

However, I did learned quite a lot of things from this camp, from applying smart tactics in improving ourselves, to appreciation of the people around us, especially our parents and friends.
Through this camp also I made quite a number of new friends, mostly Malays.
We shared our experiences, our problems, even our jokes together.

It was really a nice camp I can say, even though the fact that Petronas spent RM1,000 on each person per day sounds a bit too ridiculous.
I wonder why Petronas didn't increase our monthly allowance, since it has so much money to spend on PERMATA camp?
Why can't they just dismiss the 5-days program, and give us RM1,000 per month?
That will help them save more money, and we will be more motivated with more money to spend rather than attending some boring sessions, is it not? Haha... =P

Anyway, I enjoyed the camp very much.
It was fun and meaningful, and at the same time very relaxing.
Below are some pictures of us during the camp (most of them are taken out of boredom...):

Before....
We went to the lighthouse before the camp starts.


After....
Jing Zhi suddenly wanted to drive the bus...

Singing karaoke in the middle of driving??

Jing Zhi fall asleep, tired of singing...

It's my turn...

Zhi: "Hey! I'm the driver, not you!"

Me: "You're a damn lousy driver! I'm taking over the bus!"

Philip: "Shut up you two! I'm driving!"

"ARRGGHHH!!!"

See, that's what happens when u let Philip drive a bus... =P


Too bored... Playing in the cargo space...

Even tyre also want to take picture...

The whole bus is ours!!

To the left....

To the right....

The Sleeping Beast??

Yeay!! ^~^

I've been tagged again...

It has been a long time since I last updated my blog, didn't realize that I've been tagged again by the same fellow two times ago, Philip Chan.
Anyway, I think this time's one is a bit nonsense, so I will answer only the front part, which I think is more meaningful.
Here goes...

Top 5 presents u wish for:
1) Simply just some nice cards or nice comments from my friends. (which to my disappointment, not many of them do that...)
2) A chance to fulfill my musician dream.
3) Tickets to visit other parts of the world. (Australia, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Switzerland, United States,....)
4) A brand new alto-saxophone.
5) A nice digital camera.

Person who tagged me - Philip Chan

5 impressions:
1) Cheerful little boy.
2) Still quite pure and innocent. (at least I think so...)
3) Materialistic. (most people do..)
4) Not really care much of a friendship.
5) Easily be affected by other people.


Most memorable thing done or given
errmm.... can't think of a good one...

Most memorable words said:
"When people ask me who's my best friend, I will think of u.."
Well, I doubt it...

If he becomes my lover, I would..
de.... -_-""

If he becomes my enemy, the reason would be..
He backstabbing me? Lie to me? Didn't really think of that...


People who I would like to know how they feel about me..
1) My parents. (I have problem interacting with them..)
2) My ex-GF and my ex-"daughters".
3) The girls I like.
4) Philip. (I try to consider him as my best friend in UTP, but he always disappoints me..)
5) My coursemates. (Jasmitt, Hwee Huat, Renae, Amy, Cally, Kuhan,....)
6) The Chinese gang in UTP. (Jin Ming, Peow, Jia Haur, Tiat Dong, Aaron, Chin Leong, Jing Zhi, Han Sze,....)
7) Yoon Yeh, Chang Hua, Bong, Edgar, Charles,....
8) The girls in my batch. (Kang, Vern, Mei Le, Siu Ying, Christine,....)
9) The Chinese Orchestra people.
10) My youth group members back in Bintulu.
11) All the other people I know.


As the other initial questions are worthless, I will not waste my time answering them.
However, I will really appreciate it if anyone can give me a feedback on how u feel about me.
It will really be a great help to improve my life here in UTP.
Hopefully I can have a better life in year 2008.
Happy New Year everyone! ^~^

Sincerely,
Raymond.

EDX 20

On 22^nd October 2007, around 10 a.m. in the morning, I was sitting alone at Pocket D In2Eat café, enjoying my morning break.
This guy named Billy suddenly approached me and asked, “Raymond, are u free now? Can u help to carry some tables from MPH ah?”
I thought it is just a few tables, so I said ok.
Then, after a while, Melissa rushed to me and said,
“Raymond, can u go to MPH now ah? To carry the tables...”
I was like, “Huh? How to go wor? Walk ah?”
Then u can guess the response I get lah…

I started to walk from In2Eat to MPH (for ur info, it’s not very near…).
When I reached Chancellor Complex, I saw Chong and some other guys there, then only I knew what they meant by “some” tables…
It’s around 200 TABLES!! WHAT THE F**K?!?
I was asking myself, “Why should I do this? I’m not a EDX member also…”
But then at the end, I helped out in carrying all the tables, and I don’t know why… (most probably because of kindness I think…)
After putting all the tables together, all of us walked back to In2Eat café. (again I want to remind u, it’s not very near…)

We met Mr. Rahmat in the EDX road show, and he belanja us makan pizza (Thanks again, Dai Lou! ^_^).

As we were sitting together talking while eating, I told the story of how I was ‘dragged’ into carrying the tables.
But then Mr. Rahmat reminded me something important.
I’ve been complaining all along that I’ve not been recruited into EDX committee, and that this might be a chance for me to contribute something.
I’ve always been expecting what other people could give me, but not otherwise. I’ve always over-viewed myself, but never learnt to be humble to the others.
I realized what I should do, and not for myself, but for EDX 20.

I was grateful when I was given a PR post in Logistic department (thanks to Chong).
The day before EDX event, I went for duty at the undercroft area.
Man, I never knew there’s such place under the Chancellor Complex.
As Chong brought me around the ‘tunnels’, I realized that UTP really is not a simple place.
I’ve never seen these paths before, and when I brought my friends later around the ‘tunnels’, they also had the same astonishment.
It is very easy to get lost there, especially if one is trying to use shortcut.
Anyway, it is a new experience to me, roaming around the underground area.

As everyone is preparing for EDX 20, I felt the serious atmosphere around the committee members.
Everyone is carrying out their duty and responsibility in each department, and everyone is doing their best in making EDX 20 a success.
As a PR, I can’t help but feel certain amount of pressure around me, especially when everyone is in stress mood.

The opening ceremony went out nice and smooth. The booths are all set up nicely and in order.
Among all the booths, the one I liked most is the Activities department’s booth.
Man, they really put some effort in decorating their panels.
Good job, Edgar. You’ve got yourself some very committed members, especially Yoon Yeh (the one in the picture).

EDX 20 event went on for 2 days smoothly.
I am not going to elaborate much about the whole event, but by the end of the day, it is a success.
I can see that everyone is relieved and satisfied with the outcome of the whole event.
Thanks to C&P department, the decoration of the stage is beautiful.
Thanks to the 'MedTech' department, the opening and closing ceremony is wonderful.
Thanks to F&B department, we have pizzas to eat for our lunch.
Thanks to Adjudication people, the judges are well taken care of.
Thanks to P&P department, the EDX t-shirt are very nice. (although I didn't get one.. T_T)
Thanks to the high-com. I don't know what they did, but still, we have to thank them.. =P

We had a small appreciation speech from our new advisor after the closing ceremony (forgot what's his name already...), and we were off to finish up our job.
Of course, the logistic department have to stack up all the tables and chairs again, but luckily we don't need to carry them back, or else I will definitely fade out.
After finished our job, I found myself involved in other departments' jobs. I helped R&A carried some stuff, helped P&S carried hampers, helped Activities department cleaning up their booths...
Well, it seems that I am a multi-PR, and I enjoyed being it. =)


EDX 20 is a great success, but nothing is perfect, there are some mistakes too.
I didn't went for the postmortem on Friday night, and according to my friend who went, I missed out a lot of 'excitement'..
(Mr. Rahmat, u know what I am talking about, right? =P)
There are something that I wanted to share with the committees, but never got the chance to do so.
From what I saw in EDX 20, all the members take their scoop of job seriously and with full responsibility.
There are of course some 'trash' members among all, but I am not going to talk about it here.
What I am trying to say is, EDX 20 committee members seems to over-emphasize on the value of responsibility, that they forgot other values such as tolerance and 'help-helping' (tolong-menolong).
*Sorry, my English not so good...

Some people asked why I helped other departments doing their jobs.
For instance, Activities department forgot to clean up their booth before they left, and there are scraps of papers and balloons all over the floor of the booth.
Someone from the committee called them to come back to clean up the booth, but I called Edgar and tell him that I will helped them clean it up.
It is true that if we look from the perspective of responsibility, one would say that it is the department's responsibility to fulfill their job, and their responsibility to make up for the mistakes they've done.
But then, if we look from the other perspective, is it so difficult just to clean up some straps of paper and balloons? Is responsibility that important that we forgot the value of kindliness?
I don't see responsibility as an ultimate value, and it certainly cannot be a fundamental value without the others.

I'm sorry if I might indirectly offend anyone, but I feel that I must say this.
EDX 20 couldn't achieved success with just full responsibility from the committee members.
This event is a success because we all worked together in making it a success.
Not one department could do it on their own, and definitely EDX wouldn't success with contribution from only one department.
Commitment is the keyword here, not responsibility.
We are working as EDX committees, not as Logistic member or P&P member.
Therefore, we have to work together hand-in-hand, cover others' back when they are lack, help others when they are weak, guide the others when they are lost.
We cannot do anything without one another, that's what I believed.

In a nutshell, I enjoyed being a part of EDX 20.
I made some new friends, and I learnt something new from them.
This event is indeed a success, not only as in terms of exposing students' potential in engineering design projects, but also in building bonds between the committee members.
I hoped that every one of the members will realized the importance of working together as one body, so that EDX will improve in the future.
I prayed that God bless this event, and that EDX may achieve greatness one day, and together we may share the pride of the success.